"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." -~- Anonymous
"Grow your own DOPE ... plant a MAN!" -~- Anonymous
"No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap." -~- Anonymous
"Be Naughty! Save Santa the trip." -~- Anonymous
"Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so sex is in!" -~- Anonymous
"Good men are like Martians, you hear a lot about them but you never actually see one." -~- Anonymous
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." -~- Anonymous
"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers." -~- Anonymous
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves." -~- Anonymous
"If your parents didn't have children...chanced are that you won't either." -~- Anonymous
"Join the Army, Go to distant lands, meet interesting people, kill them!" -~- Anonymous
"If you can't convince them, confuse them." -~- Anonymous
"I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." -~- Anonymous
"I have not yet begun to procrastinate." -~- Anonymous
"The easiest way to refold a road map is differently." -~- Anonymous
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock." -~- Anonymous
"I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage." -~- Anonymous
"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?" -~- Anonymous
"Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse." -~- Anonymous
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -~- Dean Martin
"If I were a cat, my curiosity would have killed me 10 times by now!" -~- Anonymous
"I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you." -~- Anonymous
"Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can't hear mine..." -~- Anonymous
"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose." -~- Anonymous
"I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it." -~- Anonymous
"May the forces of evil become lost and confused on the way to your house." -~- Anonymous
"Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. (Got married last weekend, wife knows everything)." -~- Anonymous
"If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?" -~- Anonymous
"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday." -~- Anonymous
"Don't quote me, think for yourself!" -~- Anonymous
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." -~- Anonymous
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you." -~- Anonymous
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." -~- Anonymous
"Outside every thin girl, there's a fat guy trying to get in." -~- Pepe Jeans
"People who exercise just die healthier." -~- Pepe Jeans
"Practice safe sex. Get a virgin." -~- Pepe Jeans
"As long as you keep occupied, you can ignore the hollowness inside." -~- Xenogears
"Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." -~-Aaron Levenstein
"If you cant dazzle then with brilliance, baffle with bullshit..." -~- Anonymous
"What do you do when a cheetah is chasing you? Trip your friend." -~- Anonymous
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep." -~- Anonymous
"I need someone really bad... are you really bad?" -~- Anonymous
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!" -~- Anonymous
"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke." -~- Anonymous
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies." -~- Anonymous
"Sex is like a snowstorm... You don't know how long it will last, or how many inches you'll get." -~- Anonymous
"Blood is thicker than water. But the goldfish don't seem to like it as much." -~- Anonymous
"Time may be a great healer but it's a lousy beautician." -~- Anonymous
"How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand..." -~- Anonymous
"Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener." -~- Anonymous
"Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts." -~- Anonymous
"Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever." -~- Anonymous
"I let my mind wander... But it didn't come back." -~- Anonymous
"I'm unemployed due to an eyesight problem. I can't see myself doing any work." -~- Anonymous
"If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap." -~- Anonymous
"Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons." -~- Anonymous
"I'm not as paranoid as everyone is trying to make me." -~- Anonymous
"The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." -~- Anonymous
"You're proof that evolution CAN go in reverse." -~- Anonymous
"Er. Yeah. Something pointless and stupid like that." -~- Vyrum
"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts." -~- Anonymous
"Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security." -~- Anonymous
"Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them." -~- Anonymous
"A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat." -~- Anonymous
"If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation." -~- Anonymous
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research." -~- Anonymous
"Two wrongs are only the beginning." -~- Anonymous
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason." -~- Anonymous
"I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it." -~- Anonymous
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